I Never Knew
by Shepherd1969
Summary: I check my watch. In fifteen minutes I will be an only child. What if I don't get to tell Joe I'm sorry? Joe never got to apologize to Iola. How does he live with that? I may find out in twelve minutes. Where is he? Warning: Major Frank Angst
1. Welcome

**Alright- for all of you who've come over from my former profile where this story was posted, Fluffykitty12- thanks a million! **

**For those who don;t know, this is my mother's story, but as she isn;t very computer savvy, I posted it on my account. But now, I finally got around to creating her her own account and am in the process of teaching her how to use it. I'm basically copyiong the story over from my profile to hers. Please enjoy!**


	2. Friction

_POV Frank_

My cell phone rings. I spill hot coffee down my shirt when I grab my phone.

"Hardy," I growl.

"Car's dead," Joe says. "Need a ride."

I take a deep breath and count to ten.

"Ten minutes," I growl and hang up.

I change my shirt, grab my keys and get in my black BMW. Jetlag isn't pretty. Joe and I got in at 1 am after a nonstop flight from Europe.

Dad wants us at the office in twenty minutes, which is definitely not happening.

I pull into traffic lost in thought. Joe and I haven't been getting along. Have we outgrown our partnership?

Joe's been off this past year. Forgetful. Distant. Unorganized. If he wasn't my brother, I'd have found a new partner. I've read Joe the riot act a couple of times. I pull into Joe's apartment complex. I hate being late.

Joe leans against his 1968 black Mustang. My brother has spent the last year restoring this car. If the Mustang and I were trapped in a burning building, I'd pretty sure Joe would rescue the car first.

Joe wears jeans, sun glasses and a plain white t-shirt. Office wear for Joe.

"We're late," I say. "Dad wants us at a meeting in 10 minutes and we're 25 minutes away from the office."

"Sorry," Joe mumbles as he climbs in the passenger seat. "Forgot."

"You forgot a lot of stuff lately," I say. "Like packing for our trip."

On our trip to Europe Joe borrowed everything I packed – pants, shirts, socks – you name it – he borrowed it.

Instead of Joe's usual witty comeback, heavy silence fills my car. I drive down the main road.

"You had three hours to pack before we left for Europe," I say.

"Saw a friend," Joe says and looks out the window.

"A female friend?"

Joe ignores me. I turn on National Public Radio to get back at Joe. He hates it. Five long minutes pass with no complaints. When I look over, Joe is asleep. His head is slumped against the passenger window. Incredible. He really can sleep anywhere.

Thirty minutes later I pull into the office. A car drives away as I open my door. We missed the meeting.

I hate doing sloppy work. And lately working with Joe is sloppy.

"Wake up, we're here," I say and slam the car door. "Late, but here."

"Frank, are you ok?" Edward asks. "You never miss a meeting."

I pretend I don't hear Edward.

Edward is my age. Last year Dad went to a detective seminar. Some people come home with t-shirts. Dad came home with Edward. And for no logical reason, I hate the guy.

I pour myself a cup of strong, black coffee.

"I've got to take some papers to police headquarters for your dad," Edward says.

When Edward leaves, Joe comes in the office. Joe does that a lot. Like somehow ignoring Edward will make him go away. I wish.

"You missed the client meeting," Sam says. "Joe, your dad wants the Hampton file."

"I put it on his desk before we left for Europe," Joe says. "He couldn't find it anywhere," Sam says. "Been driving me crazy about it ever since you guys left two weeks ago. Frank, your dad wants to see you."

"Give me a minute," I say and turn on my computer.

I push my chair back just as Joe walks in with a glass of Mountain Dew – his go to source of caffeine. Joe trips over my chair. His soda lands on my computer keyboard. My computer fizzes and the screen goes dead.

"Frank, I- I'm sorry," Joe stammers. "I'll buy you whatever you want from the computer store."

"I want a new partner," I say, louder than intended.

Joe's face goes white.

"Joe, could you run these papers down to the post office?" Dad asks. "Take Frank's car. He's parked behind me."

"I'll go," I say.

"No, Joe needs a break," Dad says. He hands Joe my car keys. "Frank, I'll see you in my office."

Dad puts his arm around Joe's shoulders and walks him to the door.

Joe leaves without saying goodbye.

I sit in one of Dad's leather office chairs. Why do I feel like a criminal about to be cross examined?

"Trip go OK?" Dad asks and closes the door. He sits behind his desk.

"Yes. We shut down the gun smuggling ring," I say. "I filled out paperwork for Scotland Yard. I filed our office report electronically last night before our plane landed. I'm ready for another case."

"No, you're not," Dad says. "Frank, you're angry with the wrong blond."

"What?"

"Last year Joe and I disagreed," Dad says. "I didn't want you distracted by Callie's engagement to some doctor in New York City. Joe didn't want you blindsided if someone mentioned it. He won."

I swallow hard and stare at the floor. When Joe told me Callie was engaged, I got drunk. Really drunk. Joe drove me home. He also held my head while I puked my guts out the next morning. Somehow Joe kept the whole episode from Dad.

Callie will be honeymooning in the Bahamas with someone else in two short months.

The news shouldn't shock me. Callie and I broke up last year. She moved to New York City and became a TV news reporter.

But how did Callie replace me so quickly? Did I mean anything to her? Is she the one?

"Dad," I say. "I keep my work separate from my personal life."

"So you want a new partner?"

"No, I…." I stop and feel my cheeks turn red.

"Frank, I know you're hurting," Dad says. "We've tried to give you space this past year."

I stare at him.

"That's why Joe restored the Mustang," Dad says. "He needed something to keep busy when you weren't working a case."

I'm too stunned to talk.

"If you're mad at Callie, call her or write her a note," Dad says. "I won't let you use Joe for a punching bag."

Dad's right. I've taken out my anger on the one person I never wanted to hurt…Joe.

"Speaking of how we're treating Joe, what's the story on Edward?" I ask.

"He wants to learn the business," Dad says.

"Did you notice Joe makes himself scarce when Edward's around?" I ask.

"No," Dad says.

"Treating Edward like the son you always wanted isn't helping your relationship with Joe," I say.

"I didn't realize," Dad says.

"Think Joe tolerates Edward like you tolerate Biker," I say.

"Joe's motorcycle friend who's had a few brushes with the law?" Dad asks.

"Yes," I say. "You put up with Biker, but can't wait until Joe outgrows him."

"I messed up," Dad says with a heavy sigh. "Always bad, but inexcusable now."

"Now?" I ask.

"What's the date?" Dad asks.

"May 20," I say.

I close my eyes as nausea hits. Iola died ten years ago today.


	3. The Plot Thickens

_Frank_

Iola died today – ten years ago. I forgot. Inexcusable.

No wonder Joe's distant.

"Got to find Joe," I mumble, unable to look Dad in the eye.

"He'll be back in 10 minutes," Dad says.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I ask.

_Neither of us says the obvious – no one should have to remind when Iola died._

"Couldn't get Joe away from your back," Dad says. "He knows you're hurting over Callie."

Dad's cell phone rings.

"You're sure?" Dad asks, as he goes pale. "Your informant says someone attached a bomb to Frank's car? Set to explode in 30 minutes?"

I dial Joe's number. His cell phone rings at his desk. I will kill him if the car bomb doesn't.

"SAM!" Dad yells and briefs his partner as we head out. We bump into Edward.

"I called the post office," Sam says. "They'll keep an eye out for him."

"Con, you've got to put an APB out on Joe and my car," I say into my cell phone. "It's a black BMW license plate DVG 187."

"Come on," Dad says. "We'll drive the south side of town."

Does Dad know I feel too shaky to drive?

"I'll take north," Sam says.

"I'll cover the west side," Edward says.

"We've got to find him," I say, as Dad starts his car.  
"Con, can you drive east?" Dad says into his Bluetooth.

I zone out as I buckle my seat belt. I told Joe I wanted a new partner. Those can't be my last words to him.

"Who set up my car?" I ask, as Dad pulls into traffic.

"The head of the European gun smuggling ring – Igor Lurd. He put out a contract on you. Apparently you upset him more than Joe."

"Scotland Yard couldn't get any evidence until I hacked Lurd's encrypted computer," I say and run a hand through my hair. "Why didn't I notice someone tampering with my car?"

"Because you're jetlagged, hurting and Lurd hired a professional," Dad says. "Take your pick."

"Fenton, no sign of Joe," Sam says over the radio.

"Con? Edward?" Dad says into his Bluetooth. "Any luck?"

"Negative," Con says.

"No sir," Edward says.

I check my watch. In fifteen minutes I will be an only child.

What if I don't get to tell Joe I'm sorry? Joe never got to apologize to Iola. How does he live with that? I may find out in twelve minutes.

Where is he?

"Dad! Joe's at the cemetery!" I say. "He's with Iola!"

Tires squeal and horns blare as Dad does an illegal u-turn in the middle of Main Street. We speed to the cemetery. I try to dial Con on my cell phone, but my hands tremble too much to hit his button on speed dial.

"Con, I need the bomb squad at the cemetery!" Dad says into his bluetooth.

"On our way," Con says.

I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing.

_"__I want a new partner."_

_Did I really say that to Joe? How do I fix this? _

The hurt look in Joe's eyes haunts me.

Pain. Pain so deep, it hurts to breathe.


	4. 137

_Frank_

Police sirens wail as Dad makes a sharp turn into the cemetery. I see my black BMW parked by Iola's grave. Joe stands a few feet away at Iola's grave. I look at my watch. Twenty seconds before the bomb explodes.

"Joe!" I shout though Dad's car window. "Run!"

I'm on my feet running to Joe. Halfway there my car explodes into a ball of burning metal and flames.

I run to the flames. Joe is gone.

Hands pull me back inches from the flames. I struggle to breathe through the heat and smoke.

"Frank, it's too late!" Dad shouts.

"No!" I scream. "Joe! Hang on!"

I aim a wild punch. It connects with Dad's nose. Sam loses his grip on me. I'm almost to the burning car when Edward and Con tackle me.

They drag me behind Dad's car.

A second explosion rocks my car. Nothing's left. A shell of burning metal and fire taunts me. No way Joe survived.

"I want this scene secured!" Con shouts.

_My adrenaline rush is over. I collapse to the ground. Empty. Alone. Guilt-ridden. _

_Joe, I didn't want another partner. You knew that, right? When Iola died did you feel this way? How did you carry the pain and guilt? Did you ever get over it? No. Or you wouldn't have been here today. _

I don't believe in aliens, Big Foot or God. Logic is my god. Until now.

I sit in a heap on the ground. Fire trucks pull in to put out the car fire. Dad's puts his hand on my shoulder. Blood flows out of Dad's nose. How did that happen?

Dad's lips move, but I have no idea what he's saying.

Time has stopped. I'm lost.

I pray for the first time in my life.

_God, don't take Joe. Please. _

"Hey, over here!" Sam shouts. "I need a medic!"

Sam stands in the woods next to the cemetery.

I run over. Joe is sprawled on the ground. Blood stains his hair. An inch thick branch sticks out of his chest.

"Easy," I say and touch Joe's forehead.

Joe's blue eyes focus on me through the pain. A medic straps an oxygen mask over Joe's face.

Joe's eyes close.

I put my hand on Joe's chest and feel him breathe. Joe takes 137 breaths before they load the stretcher into the ambulance.


	5. In the Dark

_Frank_

"No passengers," the medic says.

He loads Joe's stretcher into the ambulance.

Someone growls. Was that me?

"Frank," Dad says and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Larry, remember when I didn't write you up for speeding?" Con asks. "Could I call in my favor now?"

"OK," the medic mumbles and grudgingly makes room for me.

I put my shaking hand on Joe's knee. _Touching Joe is the only way I believe he is alive. _

When they wheel Joe into the ER, I collapse into an uncomfortable plastic chair.

"Frank?" Dad asks and puts a hand on my shoulder.

_I can't look at Dad. Too ashamed. I should be the one fighting for my life. Not Joe. If I hadn't said I wanted a new partner none of this would have happened. _

_Nobody hurts Joe. Except me. I spent the last year hurting him and shutting him out. Now Joe is fighting for his life because of me. _

"He's going to be OK," Dad says, but I hear the doubt in his voice.

I look at my hand covered in Joe's dried blood.

"We need to get you cleaned up," Dad says.

"Later," I say.

"Now," Dad says. "Joe's going to want to see you when he comes out."

_God, can You give me one more chance? _

"What if he doesn't make it?" I whisper.

Dad swallows hard.

"Joe's tough," Sam says, as he guides me into a wheelchair. _He's right. Except I hurt Joe. Really hurt him. Told him I wanted a new partner. I drew a line between us. What if Joe won't fight anymore? _

"I'm going to clean these scratches on your arms," a nurse says.

"Any news?" I ask.

"Not yet, Frank," Dad says and rests his hand on my shoulder.

"Anything else hurt?" the nurse asks.

"How's Joe?" I ask.

"Frank, give Joe's doctors some time," Dad says.

"I'm Dr. Weston," a man in green scrubs says. "Let's take a look at that cut by your eye."

I flinch when he touches it.

"Need something for the pain?" he asks.

_His voice sounds miles away. _

"Nurse, I need some blankets," Dr. Weston says. "He's going into shock."

_I feel a sting by my eye. _

"Frank, look at me," Dad says.

"Nurse, I want his heart rate and pulse monitored," the doctor says.

_Why am I here? Something scary roars at the edge of my mind, but I won't let it in. _

Sam walks in with another doctor.

"Joseph Hardy's family?" the new doctor asks. "I'm Dr. Welby."

_Joe. My car. The explosion. _

_Why can't I stop shaking? _

"Joseph just came out of surgery," Dr. Welby says.

"He's ok?" I ask.

"We'll know in 72 hours," Dr. Welby says.

"How is he?" Dad asks.

"Concussion, an abdominal fragmentation injury…."

"What?" I ask.

"The blast caused a branch to get stuck in Joseph's chest. We removed it and repaired his lung. I'm most concerned about the swelling of his optic nerves."

"What does that mean?" Dad asks.

"He can't see. We'll know in a few days if his vision will return."

_Joe's blind. Because of me. _

_Joe will hate me. I hate me. _

_If Joe dies…or ends up blind…I'll never forgive myself. Like Joe never forgave himself when Iola died. _

When Joe is moved out of recovery into ICU I'm his first visitor.

The sounds of the heart monitor and ventilator fill the space. Wires and tubes are connected to my brother. He's pale. Someone wrapped bandages around Joe's eyes. Another large bandage covers his chest.

_What if this is my last chance to fix things? _

I run my hand through my hair and sit by Joe.

"Joe…" I whisper and swallow hard.

"I-I…messed up. Don't want another partner…I never did…just hurt…after Callie…I kind of shut down."

"Callie's engagement… surprised me. Didn't realize you had it out with Dad to tell me about it. You've always had my back. Even when I don't deserve it."

"Give me another chance, Joe. Please. I can't do this alone. It can't end like this. So fight, ok? For me."

"Time's up," the nurse says.

In the hall, Dad, Sam, Edward and Con are talking.

"I don't want to bother Laura and Gert on their world cruise until we know more," Dad says.

Mom will hate that, but I'm too tired to fight Dad.

"Understood," Sam says. "I'll arrange for some hospital security from Con."

"Thanks," Dad says and puts his arm around my shoulder. "Let's grab something to eat."

_Still can't stop shaking. The elevator ride to the cafeteria is a blur. _

_God, I need a favor. Joe can't be blind. _

_Not sure I believe in You. Maybe You don't believe in me. _

_Take anything You want. Just give Joe back his sight. _

The next four days are a blur. Joe's unconscious. He is fed intravenously. He can't talk to me. Or look at me. This is the way I treated him the past year. I shut him out.

It's like he's dead. Or at least dead to me. Maybe that's why I refuse to leave the hospital hall outside Joe's room.

In ICU Joe can have visitors for 15 minutes every hour. So for 15 minutes every hour, I talk. Words pour out of my mouth that I've kept stuffed inside for months.

"I hate Callie. You can't put love on a deadline. I wasn't ready. She kept pushing me to buy her a ring."

"Sometimes I feel trapped in Bayport working for Dad. Don't want to disappoint Dad, but I want more."

"I wish we could do the last year over again. I'll make everything up to you, Joe. I promise."

_What if Joe wakes up alone, blind and helpless? He hates the dark. He hates being helpless. _

_I made Joe's worst nightmare come true. _

Dr. Welby assures me Joe's medicine will keep him unconscious so his body can heal.

_But I can't shake my fear Joe will wake up terrified. And I will have let him down again. _

Sam and Edward work the case. Dad and I camp out at the hospital. Today the doctor is cutting Joe's medicine back. Hopefully Joe will regain consciousness today.

_I'm scared. What if Joe hates me? I hate me._

A nurse injects a needle of liquid into Joe's IV.

"Relax, Frank," Dad says. "Joe may not even remember that day."

_That's when I know it's bad. When you pray for amnesia you know you've messed up. _

Joe starts to stir.

"Joe, I'm right here," I say and put my hand on Joe's shoulder. "You're OK. You're in Bayport General. Can you hear me?"

Joe gives a small nod.

I squeeze his hand.

"Glad you're back," I say. "You're been out a few days."

"No," I say and catch Joe's hand as he tries to pull out the ventilator. "It's helping you breathe."

Joe squeezes my hand.

"Your eyes got hurt when my car blew up," I say. "They're bandaged. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, ok?"

Joe's body relaxes. _I'm amazed at his faith in me. Maybe he doesn't remember what I said about wanting a new partner. _

"You rest. We're going to remove the ventilator in a bit," I say and rub Joe's shoulder.

A few hours later Joe has been weaned from the ventilator. "Frank?" Joe whispers hoarsely.

"Right here," I say and squeeze his shoulder.

I hold a straw while Joe takes a drink of water.

"You 'kay?" Joe whispers.

_No. I may never be OK again. Especially if you're blind. _

"Yes," I whisper.

Slowly Joe moves his hand with the IV in it up to his neck.

"Chain?" Joe whispers.

"Easy," I say and slowly guide his arm back to his side.

"Iola," Joe mumbles.

"Iola gave you a chain?"

"With gold cross," Joe whispers. "Need it."

"I'll take care of it," I say.

"Thanks," Joe mumbles before he falls asleep.

Sam and Con walk into the hospital room.

"How's he doing?" Con asks.

"Sleeping," I say. "Was Joe wearing a chain around his neck when you found him?"

"Didn't see one," Sam says.

"Iola gave it to him," I say.

"We'll find it," Sam says. "I'll check with the hospital and search the woods and cemetery."

"Thanks."

Two hours later Joe wakes up.

"You were right," Joe mutters.

My mental alarm starts ringing.

"Right?" I ask.

"New partner," Joe half mumbles, half whispers.

_I've got a big problem. Joe's biggest weakness is he doesn't believe in himself. _

"No," I say and grab his hand. "I was upset over Callie. We're equals. You, me and dad."

"Mom…Callie alive," Joe mumbles. "Iola dead."

_Joe is asleep before I find my voice. How did I miss this? How do I fix this? _


	6. A Turn of Events

_Frank_

_How can I convince Joe Iola's death wasn't his fault? _

One hour later, Joe wakes.

"Hey," I say and place a protective hand on his shoulder.

"Frank?" Joe whispers.

"I'm here. We need to talk," I say. "Iola's death wasn't your fault. If Callie or Mom had died, would it mean me or Dad did a bad job?"

"No," Joe whispers.

I smile. _Didn't expect it to be this easy. _

"Didn't flirt…in front of them," Joe whispers.

I wince and remember how Joe flirted with another girl in front of Iola. Iola ran to dad's car. The car exploded before Joe reached her.

"We all make mistakes," I say. "You've got to let this go."

_But the truth hits me hard. Joe can't let this go, any more than I can let go of the guilt I feel for Joe's eyes. _

"Replay that day," Joe whispers with a ragged breath. "What if I ran faster? Or…"

"Joe," I say and put my hand gently on his shoulder.

"Stupid," Joe whispers. "Rumor going around I was gay. Decided to prove them wrong by flirting with every girl I met."

"How come you never told me?" I ask.

"Wanted to fix my own mess," Joe mumbles.

"Who started the rumor?" I ask.

"Don't know," Joe says and yawns. "If I caught Iola … could have saved her."

"Joe, stop," I say.

"If I'd run faster and pulled her away from the car quicker," Joe says and his voice breaks.

"If I'd realized my car had a bomb attached, you wouldn't be in the hospital," I say.

"Not your fault," Joe says.

"Then it's not your fault either," I say. "Okay?"

"Iola's dead," Joe says. "You saved me."

"I almost got you killed. When Dad pulled up and my car exploded…" I stop and swallow hard.

"Frank?" Joe whispers and reaches out his hand.

I grab it.

"Thought you were dead," I whisper.

"Right here," Joe says and squeezes my hand.

Joe is asleep before I find my voice.

_I want to get drunk. To escape. But I can't. Joe can't escape his darkness, so I won't escape mine._

Two hours later Dad walks in. Joe is still asleep.

"Any luck finding the guy who did this?" I ask.

"Not yet. Sam and I are working the case," Dad says. "Con is guarding the hospital room."

"Joe's chain?" I ask.

"No luck," Dad says. "Hospital says Joe wasn't wearing it when he was admitted. Sam and Edward are searching the woods where Joe was found."

"Good," I say. "I'll tell Joe if he asks."

"Not your fault, Frank," Dad says.

_His words bounce off me like bullets off a bulletproof vest. Is this how Joe feels when I tell him Iola's death isn't his fault? _

_After Dad leaves, I sit in the dark hospital room. If Joe is blind, this is what I've sentenced him too. Joe hates the dark…always has. Since Joe was little, I'd wake up in the morning and find him in my bed. I'd pretend to be asleep until Joe woke up and snuck back to his room. _

The next morning, Joe is not happy.

"You try peeing in a cup when you can't see," Joe says, as I guide him back to bed. "It's not pretty."

"Thanks for the visual," I say.

"How are you feeling Joe?" Dad asks.

"When can I go home?" Joe asks.

"Today," Dad says.

"Cool," Joe says.

"He's not ready to go home," I say.

A nurse distracts Joe by taking his blood pressure.

"Joe's safer if he's not here," Dad says. "Too many ways to get into the hospital."

_Right. I knew that. But Joe's still a mess. _

"Wanna sleep in my own bed," Joe says.

Four hours later, I'm still trying to figure out how to break the news to Joe.

"You're driving my Mustang?" Joe says as I push his wheelchair outside the hospital.

"How did you know?" I ask and look at the bandages that cover Joe's eyes.

"Smell the car wax," Joe says and strokes the car's black hood. "Can't wait to get home."

"About that," I say. "We're going to my condo."

"No way! I've slept in a hospital bed for days! Nurses woke me up every 30 minutes to ask me if I was asleep! I want to sleep in my own bed!"

"My place has a security alarm," I say. "Yours doesn't. Deal with it."

Joe mumbles in his seat. I ignore him.

"Gotta go home and get my stuff," Joe says triumphantly.

"Sam already grabbed your clothes," I say. "Your stuff is in the backseat."

"You're kidnapping me?" Joe says.

"No, I'm taking you to my condo to recuperate," I say.

Joe gives me the silent treatment as I pull into Fox Haven, the gated community I call home.

_I was lucky to get a condo here. Amenites include a gym, restaurant, swimming pool and sauna. Most of the people here are retired, but it's a great place. _

"Smells like old people," Joe says and wrinkles his nose.

"Hello Mr. Hardy," the security guard says. "Nice car."

I nod as I drive through.

Joe mumbles something.

I grit my teeth, grab Joe's bag of clothes, and guide him to my front door.

"Franklin, you have a guest?" Mr. Green asks. "I don't remember you filing out a visitor request form."

_Green is the president of the Home Owners Association and a stickler for following the rules. _

"Feeling's mutual," Joe mumbles.

"Just while he recovers," I say, as I unlock my door and push Joe inside.

"Frank, you know the rules," Mr. Green says. "No guests unless approved by the association."

"How old is Mr. Green?" Joe asks. "He's like 120 years old, right? What is he? The undead?"

"He's still standing here," I say.

"Don't care," Joe says.

_It's going to be a long night._


	7. The Cross

"Time for your bath," I say.

"No way," Joe says. "Your shower has all those grab bars for old people."

"Don't care," I say and turn on the water in the tub.

"Smells like old people," Joe mumbles.

"You smell like old people," I say. "You need help getting undressed?"

"Dude, you wouldn't," Joe says.

"Try me," I say.

I shut the door and leave.

Twenty minutes later, Joe emerges. He smells better. "What do you want for supper?" I ask.

"Pizza," Joe says.

"Chicken noodle soup?" I ask.

"No pizza, no medicine," Joe says.

"Doctor didn't clear it," I say.

"Don't care," Joe says.

_When Joe gets like this, there's no reasoning with him. Everything else is out of Joe's control. Pizza I can do. _

I dial Prito's pizzeria.

"Tony, it's Frank. I need a large cheese pizza."

"Pepperoni," Joe says.

"With pepperoni," I say.

"Onions," Joe adds.

I hand Joe the phone.

"Hey, Prito. Gimme a large pie with everything except ham, pineapple, peppers and anchovies."

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm at Frank's so watch out for old people," Joe says and hangs up.

He feels his way along the wall into my bedroom.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Need a pillow," Joe says and keeps a hand on the wall. He feels my headboard and grabs a pillow off my bed.

_I cringe. Framed photos of Callie sit on my desk, nightstand and entertainment center. _

_Joe can't see them. Can you feel guilty and relieved at the same time? _

Joe touches a figurine on my nightstand – a bride and groom figurine.

"Dude, you kept the statue Callie got you for your birthday?" Joe asks as he feels it with his fingers.

I grab it quickly.

"Thought you were going to pass out when you unwrapped it," Joe says.

"It was a surprise," I say and put it in my closet.

"Callie didn't realize how much you hate being pushed," Joe says.

"Thank you, Dr. Phil," I say and guide Joe to the living room couch.

"Any word on the chain?" Joe asks, as his hand feels his bare neck.

"Not yet," I say. "But I posted signs at the hospital. Took out an ad in _The Bayport News_. Even offered a reward."

_I offered a $1,000 reward, but Joe doesn't need to know that. _

"Sorry," Joe mumbles.

"For what?" I ask.

"Maybe Callie would still be here if we weren't a package deal," Joe says.

"I made my choice," I say.

"You didn't have a choice," Joe says. "You were caught between me and Callie."

"No, I was caught between the life Callie wanted me to live and reality," I say. "Detectives don't work regular hours. I've never wanted to be anything else."

"Frank, you've been miserable the past year," Joe says.

"I wasn't expecting Callie to break up with me," I say.

"Yeah, but I knew you were hurting," Joe says. "Just didn't know what to do."

"You put up with me," I say. "That was a lot."

"S'okay," Joe says.

_Desperate to change the subject, I turn on ESPN. While Joe listens to sports news, I unpack the duffel bag of Joe's stuff that Sam packed. _

I turn the bag upside down to make sure I didn't miss anything. A book falls onto my hardwood floor.

A Bible?

I pick it up. A picture of Joe and Iola bookmarks a passage underlined in red ink.

_A real friend will help you against your enemies and protect you in the fight. Never forget such companions in battle. Sirach 37: 5&amp;6_

Under the passage Joe wrote one word: _Frank. _

A paper falls to the floor.

_I know this is Joe's private stuff. Stuff he might have told me if I hadn't shut down. I've got no right to read it, but I can't stop myself. _

_I Love You regardless of how well you are performing. Sometimes you feel uneasy, wondering if you are doing enough to be worthy of My Love …Your performance and My Love are totally different issues…I love you with an everlasting Love…without limits or conditions...Bring your performance anxiety to Me, and receive in its place My unfailing Love. * _

Joe's handwriting fills the rest of the page.

_God, how can You love me after I let Iola die? When I make so many mistakes at work? Scared I'm losing my mind. Every morning my nerves are shot. I throw up before leaving for work. How can You love me when I don't even love myself? _

I swallow hard and put the page back.

My doorbell rings.

"I'll get it," I say.

I open the door to find Tony and Mr. Green on my doorstep.

"Franklin, you do remember our Home Association rules specify no food deliveries?" Mr. Green says. "It makes our condos seem rather common."

Tony's face is a dangerous shade of red.

"Sorry," I say and pull Tony into my condo. "I forgot. My mind has been on other things."

"I'm still writing you up," Mr. Green says.

I shut the door.

"Friendly neighbors," Tony says. "Joe, how ya doing?"

"Better, if that smell is a Prito special," Joe says.

"Here you go," Tony says.

"Hold it," I say. "Medicine first."

Joe swallows three pills.

"Sorry about the old guy," Joe says, before I can apologize.

"S'okay," Tony says. "I feel bad for them. They don't stand a chance against Joe. Pizza is on the house. Got to make some more deliveries. Rest up, Joe."

"I'll walk you to the door," I say.

"How you holding up?" Tony asks when we're outside.

"Hanging in," I say.

"Saw Joe the day you guys left for Europe," Tony says.

"You guys had lunch?" I ask.

"No. I drove by the cemetery," Tony says as his pager goes off. "Saw Joe at Iola's grave. Call me if you need anything, OK?"

I watch Tony drive away.

_Joe was at Iola's grave before we left for Europe. That's why he didn't pack. Iola was the "female friend" he had to visit. I am the world's worst brother. _

When I walk in my condo, three pieces of pizza have disappeared. Joe's eyes are half closed, but he's fighting to stay awake.

"Wanna sleep in my bed," Joe mumbles.

"Not happening," I say. "Any deep, dark secrets I need to know? You still wet the bed?"

"Was three years old," Joe mumbles.

"Just checking," I say.

"Hate these pills," Joe mumbles. "No idea what I'm saying."

"So no different from usual," I say.

He doesn't complain when I ruffle his hair, so I know Joe is out of it. Joe is definitely not operating any heavy machinery on these pills.

"All I had left of Iola," Joe mumbles as his hand touches his empty neck.

"We'll find the chain," I say.

_Tomorrow I'll call the paper and make the reward $5,000. _

"It kinda saved my life," Joe mumbles.

"Kind of?" I ask.

"Almost did something stupid after Iola died," Joe mumbles.

_Joe's under the influence of drugs, but I need to know. After Iola died, I worried I'd lose Joe. But Joe would never talk about her death. I wasn't losing this chance._

"What happened?" I ask, desperate to find out before the drug knocks Joe out.

"M' birthday," Joe mutters.

_I swallow hard. Joe disappeared on his birthday after Iola died. I had the worst feeling. I couldn't find him. I called everybody, even Biker. Spent the night driving the streets. _"Dead Man's Cliff," Joe mutters.

"Really?" I ask and struggle to keep my voice calm.

_Every year somebody jumped from Dead Man's Cliff – a 150 foot drop over jagged rocks. I'd almost lost my brother. _

"Gonna jump," Joe says. "Felt Iola's cross around my neck."

_Thank God for Iola. She'd saved him even after she died. _

"Funny," Joe mumbles. "Didn't remember putting chain on."

_Ok, first thing tomorrow I call the newspaper. Somebody would definitely turn in the chain for $10,000, right?_

"Chain keeps me out of trouble," Joe mumbles.

"I'll find it," I say and pray I'm not lying.

"Don't want you to know," Joe mutters.

"Know what?" I ask and rub Joe's shoulders.

"Nightmares," Joe mumbles.

Surprised it's this easy.

"Everyone has nightmares," I say. "I had one at the hospital last night of my car blowing up."

"Deductible that high?" Joe mutters.

"No, I thought my annoying little brother was in my car," I say. "They're hard to replace."

"You really have nightmares?" Joe whispers.

"Yes. Nightmares are an occupational hazard for us," I say. "Now go to sleep. The last thing I need is you sleep deprived and cranky tomorrow."

· From _Jesus Calling_, by Sarah Young, April 19th devotional


	8. Negotiation

Chapter 8

_We're trapped. I've rolled Joe into some bushes in my backyard. Another bullet hits the ground inches from us. _

"Cut you a deal," someone says. "Come out and I'll only kill Frank."

_No way can I get Joe out of this. _

I stand up.

"I'm Frank."

"No, I'm Frank," Joe says and stands up beside me.

I look at the hooded guy holding a gun.

"Only getting paid to kill Frank."

"That's me," Joe says.

"No way," the guy pointing the gun says. "I read the papers. You're Joe. You got hurt when your brother's car exploded."

"The paper screwed up," Joe says. "I got hurt when my car exploded. My lawyer is calling the paper tomorrow."

_Only Joe would argue with a professional hit man holding a gun. _

"Hope your boss doesn't mind if you off the wrong guy," Joe says and takes a step toward the hit man. "Hey, I'm looking for a new job."

I try to grab Joe, but he's out of reach.

"You don't have a lot of paperwork, right?" Joe says. "You wouldn't want to leave a paper trail for the police to follow."

_I will kill Joe if he doesn't shut up and get back here._

"Show me your ID," the hooded guy says. "NOW!"

"Dude, I'm wearing sleep pants," Joe says. "No ID. Trust me, I'm Frank."

Before I can make a move, the hit man grabs Joe around the neck and points his gun at Joe's heart.

"Everybody inside," the hit man says.

I lead us upstairs to my condo.

_How do I get Joe out of this? God, I could use a little help down here._

"You, over there," the hit man says and nods his head at the opposite side of my living room.

No choice. I walk across the living room.

"ID," the hit man says.

"You got retirement?" Joe asks.

My fingers fumble as I get my driver's license out of wallet.

"Got a killer 401K," the hit man says.

"Yeah, Dad tells me to put more money away, but after rent and car payments there isn't much left," Joe says and sighs.

_I've never understood how Joe does this. He can talk to anybody about anything. A gift or a curse? I know he's trying to distract the hit man but I'm going to kill Joe after this._

"Here's my ID," I say.

Joe realizes the game is up and bites the hit man's arm. The hit man pushes Joe to the floor. The guy has his gun aimed at Joe's head when I tackle him from behind. A bullet slams into my hardwood floor an inch from Joe's head. I hit the guy with an uppercut. He's stunned, but not down for the count. He pulls out a knife. I grab the knife, twist his arm and jab my knee into his gonads. The guy curls up into the fetal position.

"Police!" someone says as the door breaks open.

"What happened?" Con asks.

"He tried to kill us," I say.

I crawl over to Joe. Gently I push him over. His white t-shirt is soaked blood red. I clamp my hand over Joe's wound and apply pressure.

"I'll drive you to the hospital," Con says as he eyes the blood.

I ride with Joe in the backseat of Con's police car. Joe lays across the seat. I press my jacket against his chest wound. Sirens whine and lights flash as Con gets us to Bayport Hospital.

Con waits with me in the waiting room, while Joe is in surgery.

"How did you find us?" I ask.

"You called me," Con says. "From your cell phone."

"No," I say. "Joe called. He must have found my cell phone in my jacket pocket."

Dad and Sam show up. While Sam gets coffee from the vending machine, I bring Dad up to speed.

"Joe wants me to work with Edward," I say.

"WHAT!" Dad says.

_Maybe I shouldn't tell Dad this. But I'm angry. With Joe, the hit man, Callie and the world. _

"He says Edward is perfect," I say. "Guess Joe noticed how you and Edward get along. Joe even tried to be like Edward."

_Dad definitely didn't deserve that. _

"I'll take care of Edward," Dad says.

When Joe is in recovery, I plant myself at his bedside.

"He's out of it," the nurse says. "With his pain meds he won't know what he's saying."

While Joe's unconscious I plant a bug under his hospital nightstand.

_Call me paranoid, but I've only got one brother. And he's only hanging on by a thread._

"Frank?" Joe whispers.

"Right here," I say and grab Joe's arm.

"What's the date?" Joe whispers.

"May 27th," I say.

"Gonna marry Iola today," Joe whispers.

"Yeah?" I ask, as my voice breaks.

"Be my best man?" Joe whispers.

"Always," I choke out.

"Want two kids…girls like Iola," Joe whispers. "Think I'll be a good dad?"

"Definitely," I say.

"Iola's the best part of me," Joe says. "Don't know what I do if I lost her."

Joe goes limp as the pain meds knock him unconscious.

_How many ghosts haunt Joe? He's trapped between a past he can't change and a future he'll never have. _

"You are the strongest person I know," I say.

_Joe wasn't afraid to give Iola his heart. I still can't figure out if Callie is the one for me. And people say I'm the smart one. _

_How does Joe carry so much pain and still keep it together? _

Hours later Joe yawns and wakes up.

"Hey," I say. "Welcome back."

"Everybody OK?" Joe asks.

"You are until you get discharged," I say. "Then I'm going to kill you! What are you doing fighting with a professional hit man when you're blind?"

"Was night," Joe says. "He couldn't see me."

_Perfect Joe logic. _

"Frank, your dad needs you," Sam says. "They found a disposable cell phone on the hit man. We're hoping you can link him to Victor Lurd. I'll keep Joe company."

Six long hours later, I've hacked the hitman's phone. I found a phone call from Lurd. With the phone company's help, I got a recording of Lurd's voice ordering the hit on me and offering to pay one million dollars.

"Good job, Frank," Dad says.

"If Joe hadn't distracted the hit man, I wouldn't be here," I say.

"Speaking of Joe, I told Edward he wasn't a good fit for our office," Dad says. "I gave him a good recommendation and some job leads."

"Good," I say.

"Hi guys," Sam says.

"Thought you were with Joe," I say.

"Edward said you needed me here," Sam says.

"No," Dad says. "Who's with Joe?"

"Edward," Sam says.

"Call hospital security!" I shout as I run down the hall. "Get them to Joe's room!"


	9. Edward

Chapter 9

"Sam, what's the ETA on hospital security?" Dad shouts into his Bluetooth as he cuts across three lanes of traffic. Horns blare.  
"Hospital security is tied up with a violent meth addict in ER," Sam says. "Bayport PD is on the way."

I listen to the bug in Joe's room.

"Who's there?" Joe asks.

Silence.

"I can hear you breathing," Joe says.

"You're not calling anybody," Edward says. "Give me that call button."

"Edward?" Joe asks.

"Wow, one guess," Edward says. "Not bad for the dumbest Hardy or as I call you, Joe Hardly."

"I'll kill him," Dad says, as he runs a red light.

"What do you want?" Joe asks.

"Your dad fired me," Edward says.

"What?" Joe asks.

"You should be dead. Didn't call in when I saw you in Frank's car at the graveyard," Edward says. "Figured the bomb would go off, you'd die and I'd take your place."

"Sorry to disappoint you," Joe says.

"You told your dad to fire me," Edward says.

_I told Dad to get rid of Edward. Not Joe. Guilt hits me hard._

"No, I didn't," Joe says.

SLAP.

"Hope that doesn't hurt your eyes," Edward says. "Cuz here's the cold, hard truth – you're a body – nothing more. You don't have Frank's brains!"

SLAP

Dad pulls up to the hospital's main entrance. I jump out of the car. I run into the elevator and hit the key for floor 14.

"You don't have your dad's experience!" Edward says.

SLAP

"You're a body! And without your eyes, you're not even that!" Edward says. "I'm taking off these bandages and you're gonna open your eyes! Can you see?"

SLAP

"Can you see?" Edward shouts. "You want me to kill Frank when I'm done with you?"

"No," Joe whispers. "I can't see."

"So you're stupid and blind," Edward says.

SLAP

The elevator doors open. I run down the hall.

"You'll get Frank killed!" Edward shouts. "Just like Iola!"

SLAP

I run into Joe's hospital room. Edward stands over Joe. I grab Edward and pull him away from Joe. Edward crashes headfirst into the wall.

"Frank?" Joe whispers.

"Right here," I say and step between Joe and Edward.

Dad runs into the room, followed by four Bayport police officers.

"I gave you a chance," Dad says, as the police grab Edward.

"You took it away," Edward says.

"No, you did that," Dad says. "I'll make sure they read him his rights and give a statement to the police."

He leaves with the police and Edward.

"Hey," I whisper and kneel by Joe's bedside.

My brother has a bloody nose, cut lip and a bruised face. I could kill Edward.

Joe jerks away when a nurse tries to clean up his face.

"Easy," I say and rub Joe's back. "I'm going to fix you up."

The nurse watches me clean up Joe's cuts.

"Black," Joe says. "Everything's dark."

"What's going on?" a doctor asks. "His bandages weren't supposed to be removed until tomorrow."

I explain.

"How are you feeling?" the nurse asks.

"Tired," Joe says. "Wanna be alone."

"You sure?" she asks.

"Yeah," Joe says. "Wanna sleep."

"You can sleep while I'm here," I say.

"Don't want you watching me," Joe says.

_Something feels wrong. Joe hates the dark. Being blind is his worst nightmare. Why is he kicking me out? _

"You have to leave," the nurse says.

"He doesn't mean it," I say. "Joe, tell her…"

Joe looks away.

"Got a problem?" a beefy security guard asks.

"This gentleman was just leaving," the nurse says.

"We'll escort him out," a shorter security guard says.

_I have no choice. My panic grows as I get farther away from Joe. _

Ten minutes later, I've snuck back into the hospital via a truck loading dock.

I walk into Joe's room. His bed is empty. A one word note lies on his bed in his messy handwriting.

_Sorry. _

A cold breeze ruffles my hair. The window is open. Joe jumped to his death. My brother is dead. I killed him.


	10. Forgiveness

Chapter 10

_Joe is dead. _

_A sob comes from the depths of my soul. I destroyed my partner, my best friend, my brother. _

_No fixing this. How do I live carrying this around? How did Joe do this after Iola died?_

Something bumps my arm. A hand. It feels its way

up my shoulder.

"S'okay, Frank," a familiar voice says.

"You jumped," I whisper.

"No. I was on the window ledge," Joe says. "When I heard you… I couldn't do it. Hey, where's the bed?"

I put a hand on Joe's shoulder and lead him carefully to his hospital bed.

Joe puts down a hand and feels the mattress.

"OK, take a load off," Joe says. "But don't hog the bed."

I collapse more than lie down. Everything is catching up with me. Joe plops down beside me.

"Joe, I'm sorry…if I could trade places…."

"I know," Joe says.

"No," I say. "I-I ruined everything."

"We'll figure it out," Joe says.

"Never knew how hard it was…being you…until my car blew up," I whisper. "I feel everything you felt after Iola died."

"No," Joe whispers. "You don't. I'm here. Iola's dead."

_He's right. _

"How do you do it?" I whisper.

"Lots of night runs," Joe says. "Con has stopped me a couple times when I was out running at midnight. He wanted to know what I was doing. Couldn't figure out how to tell him I was trying not to go crazy."

I squeeze Joe's shoulder.

"I gave it to God," Joe whispers. "Think that's stupid?"

_Can't believe my opinion still matters to him._

"No," I say.

"Have to believe I'll see Iola again," Joe says. "Have a chance to tell her I'm sorry."

"Why did you almost jump?" I ask and try to hide my anger.

"Scared you'd feel bad every time you saw me," Joe says. "So you'd shut me out."

I put my arm around him.

"Like I did this past year?" I ask.

"No…I….," Joe stutters.

"I messed up," I say. "I want to fix it. Give me one more chance?"

Dad walks into the room.

"Edward's being processed in the police station," Dad says. "How are you two doing?"

"Better," I say.

"Called in a few favors," Dad says. "A top eye doctor is flying down tomorrow to examine Joe's eyes."

"Good," I say.

_Acting normal is hard. I almost lost Joe tonight…twice. But I can't tell Dad about the window. That's Joe's decision. _

"You fired Edward?" Joe asks.

"Yes," Dad says and sits on Joe's bed.

"Why? Before tonight, he was the perfect employee," Joe says. "Organized. On time. Good with paperwork. Never lost anything."

"Sociopath," Dad says. "Joe, I'm sorry."

"Hey, he fooled me too," Joe says.

"Edward made me feel important," Dad says. "Should have checked with both of you before I brought him into the agency."

"S'okay Dad," Joe says and yawns.

He leans his head on my shoulder.

"I'll take the first watch outside the room," Dad says.

Dad leaves the room.

"Frank?" Joe says.

"Yes," I say.

"Thanks for not telling," Joe whispers.

Joe falls asleep.

_Thank God Joe forgives too easily. _


	11. Hurting

Chapter 11

Bad morning. Dad's top eye doc offered little hope Joe's sight will return.

Joe hasn't said one word since the eye doctor left four hours ago.

"Frank, you have a guest?" Mr. Green asks as I lead Joe up the steps to my condo.

"Yes, my brother is recuperating," I say.

"Did you fill out a guest request?" Mr. Green asks.

"My brother needs to rest," I say and unlock my door. "If you have any questions call my lawyer."

I lead Joe inside and slam the door. When I get Joe over to the couch, my doorbell rings.

"Hey guys," Tony says. "Brought Joe's favorite meatball sub. Thought I'd hang with Joe a while, if that's ok."

"Sounds good," Joe says.

"OK," I say, glad Joe's talking.

Three hours later I've been to police headquarters, the office, Joe's condo, and the supermarket.

I drive Joe's black Mustang into my condo's attached garage. _Somehow driving Joe's car makes me feel closer to him. _

Quietly, I unlock my kitchen door and let myself in. Don't want to wake Joe if he's asleep. Instead I hear shouting.

"DO IT OR GET OUT!" Joe screams.

"Give yourself more time," Tony says.

"NOT TURNING FRANK INTO MY SEEING EYE DOG!" Joe shouts. "GOOGLE THE VISION REHAB PLACES!"

"OK," Tony mumbles. "If you tell me how you're doing."

"Good," Joe says.

"So we're not looking up anything today," Tony says.

"PRITO, I HATE YOU!" Joe shouts.

"Whatever you tell me goes no further," Tony says.

Silence.

"Remember when we snuck out to the carnival when we were 11 years old?" Joe asks.

"Yeah, your dad found us," Tony says. "Got grounded for two weeks. First time I realized having a friend whose dad is a private eye rots."

"Remember the House of Horror ride?" Joe says. "Pitch black…screams…scary stuff coming at you."

"Yeah," Tony says. "Almost peed myself when those two zombies came at us with chainsaws."

"That's how I feel," Joe says, in a small voice.

I sneak back to the Mustang and drive.

_I fix things. Solve problems. Find answers. I'm Frank. It's what I do. Except this time, when it matters the most, I'm stumped. _

Ten minutes later, I pull over on the shoulder of a deserted road.

Turn off the Mustang. The night is pitch black, with no moon or stars. My hand brushes Joe's Bible. How did it get here?

I open it and read, _"Has the Lord ever abandoned anyone…."_

_Sirach 2:10**_

I toss the Bible in the backseat.

_I abandoned Joe for a year. How do you forgive that? _

I close my eyes to imagine Joe's life.

_Blackness. Like being buried alive. How does Joe do it? I've given Joe a life sentence in his worst nightmare. _

_My family has lots of enemies – in jail and on the outside. Enemies who will pick the easiest target – Joe. _

_I have to get him out of here. We'll vanish. Live somewhere off the grid. That's the only way Joe has a chance of surviving. _

_Unfortunately, that means ripping Joe away from everything familiar. Things he can at least "see" in his memory – like his apartment, our office, the gym and his Mustang. _

_Which is worse: being a human target or being ripped away from everything familiar? _

_I don't know. But no one will hurt Joe again as long as I'm alive. _

I call Tony's cell. He picks up on the first ring.

"Hey," I say. "Ran late."

"S'okay. Joe just took his meds and a sleeping pill," Tony says. "Hold on."

_I feel too guilty to talk to Joe. _

"Out partying?" Joe asks.

"No partying," I say. "I'm on my way."

"Oreos?" Joe asks.

"Picked them up at the store," I say and flip my phone to hands free. Somehow Joe's voice calms me.

"Double stuff?" Joe asks.

"Yes."

"Ranch potato chips?"

"I raided the junk food aisle. Happy?" I ask.

"Guess who's got a prostate problem?" Joe asks.

"WHAT?" I ask.

"Mr. Green," Joe says. "He's gone to the bathroom 23 times since you left. Tony and I counted."

"Glad you spent your time productively," I say and smile.

"We can hear his toilet flush through the walls. The water here does weird stuff to your prostate," Joe says, through what sounds like a yawn. "I'm not showering here."

"Going to assume that's the drugs speaking," I say. "Be home in five."

Five minutes later, I pull into my attached garage.

"How's Joe?" I ask and walk in carrying groceries and a bag of Joe's clothes.

"Almost asleep," Tony says. "Think he's waiting up for you. I'll bring in the rest of your stuff."

Joe is in my bedroom, sprawled across my bed. How can one person take up an entire king size bed?

"You awake?" I ask and put my hand on Joe's shoulder.

"Don't wanna sleep," Joe whispers. "What if I dream about Iola dying?"

_I'm reminded of Joe when he was five years old sneaking into my bedroom at night because he was scared of monsters. _

"I'll wake you up," I say. "Let me read you something."

Joe is barely awake.

I pick up the book of devotionals I found at Joe's apartment.

"_As you go through this day, trust Me to provide the strength you need moment by moment." *_

Joe is asleep.

_Hate that Joe feels so exposed…helpless…trapped. _

I pull a blanket over Joe's shoulders and leave the bedroom door open. If Joe has a night terror, I will be there.

_Will Joe ever forgive me for locking in a world of darkness and fear? Will I ever forgive me? _

"Got time for a beer?" Tony asks.

He pulls two bottles of beer from the fridge before I answer.

"Wanna talk?" Tony asks.

I shrug.

_Does Tony blame me for Joe's blindness? Joe was worried everybody would hate him after Iola died. Funny, now I feel the same way. _

"Ok, I'll go first," Tony says. "Callie's a fool. She definitely settled when she got engaged."

I take a long swallow of beer to avoid answering.

"Business is dead at the pizzeria. Economy rots," Tony says and sighs. "Why did I add on the new dining room? Gotta pay the contractor $80,000 for a room nobody uses."

I take another long swallow of beer.

"Might borrow Joe a few nights to keep me calm," Tony says. "Joe says he'll do anything to escape the old people here."

"After he gets security and medical clearance," I say.

"Got it," Tony says.

More silence.

"You know, I'm not just Joe's friend. You can talk to me, Frank."

Silence.

"OK, I'll be logical," Tony says. "Figure all the bad feelings you're stuffing down are going to spill out sometime. You don't want it to come out at Joe. So tell me."

I drain my beer in one long swallow.

Tony opens another beer and slides it over to me.

"Trying to get me drunk?" I ask.

"No. Trying to find out how you're doing. Spill. I'm not leaving till you do."

I throw my beer bottle against the wall. It shatters. Glass shards and beer cover the floor, counter and sink.

"Nonverbal communication works," Tony says.

"How does it feel? How am I doing?" I ask. "Joe is blind and it's my fault! That's how I feel!"

"Not your fault," Tony says.

"Really? Someone put a bomb in my car! Do you know why Joe was in my car?" I ask.

"Uh…no," Tony says.

"Told Joe I needed a new partner. So Dad invented an errand for Joe to run in my car," I say.

_Tony must hate me now. I hate me. _

"The worst part is I've ignored Joe for the past year," I say.

"Frank, you're human. Callie's engaged. You're hurting," Tony says. "Joe knows that."

"Yeah, I'm hurting. But Joe's blind because of me. And I can't fix it," I say.

"Frank, you're here for Joe. That's all he wants."

_But it's not enough. _

After Tony leaves, I clean up the glass and beer on the floor.

I open another beer and google vision rehab places. I grab another beer as I look over what they offer: braille, guide dogs…Joe's new life courtesy of me.

My head hurts. I stumble into the recliner I've moved next to my bed. How many beers did I drink? Something hard hits my head. Pain. I fall into darkness.

*Jesus Calling, _Sarah Young, April 5__th__ devo_

_**"Has the Lord ever abandoned anyone who held him in constant reverence?" Sirach 2:10_


	12. An Old Foe Returns

Chapter 12

I wake up with a pounding headache. I put my hand to my forehead. I feel something sticky…blood?

"Joe," I whisper.

My bed is empty. I stagger to my living room and kitchen. No Joe.

My cell phone rings.

"Hardy," I growl.

"Frank, good to hear your voice," Edward says.

"Where's my brother?" I growl.

"Right here, say something Joe," Edward says.

Silence.

"Noble. He won't talk, wants to save you," Edward says.

I hear a sound and Joe groans.

"He's bleeding pretty bad, Frank," Edward says. "Why don't you put on a jacket and come see us? And step away from your computer."

_Edward can see me? _

I look over my head. A camera is mounted to my wall.

"I installed them while you were unconscious," Edward says.

I walk into my kitchen and see another camera pointed at me.

"No moving unless I give permission, Frank," Edward says. "See what happens when I get mad."

Joe cries out in pain.

"Keep your hands off my brother," I growl.

"Frank, you have no power over me. Come outside. Get into the white car. Remember I'm watching every step you take. One wrong move and you're an only child."

I walk outside. A white car is parked across from my condo. Joe is in the back seat. Edward has his hand around Joe's neck, with a knife in it.

"Get in. Nice night for a drive, don't you think?" Edward says.

"Joe?" I ask and get in the front driver's seat.

"Still alive," Edward says. "Say something, Joe."

"Run Frank!" Joe says.

"Your choice, Frank," Edward says. "Chances are you could get away. But not Joe. You've already cost him his sight. Will you cost him his life?"

"Frank, get out!" Joe says.

"One more word and I'll slice your big brother open through the car seat, understand Joseph?" Edward says.

I see Joe nod in the rearview mirror.

"Good. Now drive," Edward says. "Turn right at the end of the street."

I start the car and turn right.

Twenty minutes later, I turn onto a one lane dirt road deep in the woods. I pull up to an abandoned cabin.

"Get out!" Edward says. "Open the cabin door and stand outside. I need to see you at all times Frank, or Joe will have a painful accident."

I open the cabin door and stand outside.

"Now what?" I ask and turn around.

"Take the white pill and walk inside," Edward says.

A prescription bottle sits inside the cabin.

"Don't do it!" Joe yells.

I swallow the pill.

"Walk inside," Edward says and smiles.

_My body feels like a puppet with someone else pulling the control strings. _

I walk into the cabin and collapse to my knees.

_My vision blurs. I struggle to focus. _

Edward throws Joe on the floor. Joe lands about three feet away from me.

"Frank?" Joe asks.

I squint.

Joe moves his hands across the dirty wooden floor desperate to find me.

_I'm too far away. _

_Try to tell Joe I'm ok, but my mouth won't work. Or my body. _

"I didn't tell you to kneel, Frank," Edward says. "I'll have to punish you for that."

Edward slices open Joe's t-shirt with his knife.

Edward cuts the bandage off Joe's chest. I see a row of neat black stitches.

_Silently I scream. _

Edward slices through three stitches. Joe bleeds.

"Now we're even," Edward says.

My eyes close and darkness falls.


	13. Hungover

Chapter 13

I feel a weight on my chest. I crack open one eye. Blond hair. Joe.

_My head pounds every time I breathe. Feel awful. Not sure if it's the drug or my hangover. Probably both. _

I swallow and choke down my nausea.

_Joe's snore comforts me…until I remember Edward cutting Joe's stitches. _

_Feel Joe's warm blood against my shirt. Need to check Joe's stitches, but my body won't move. _

I close my eyes and darkness falls.

When I wake up again, Joe is still lying on my chest.

"Hey, sleeping beauty," I whisper.

"Five more minutes," Joe mumbles.

"Not happening," I say. "Get up."

"Smells like beer," Joe says. "You're drunk."

"I'm hungover," I say and wince. "Talk quieter."

Joe laughs.

"What's so funny?" I whisper.

"Thinking how you can buy my silence that you got drunk on a case. If I tell Dad, you're toast," Joe says.

"We may not live long enough for you to blackmail me," I say and force myself to a sitting position.

Blood has dried around the stitches Edward tore out.

I grab my jacket and tie it around Joe's chest.

"How do you feel?" I ask.

"Was good until you messed with it," Joe says.

"Tough," I say. "Leave it alone. If it breaks open you could bleed to death."

"Nah," Joe says. "Edward's gonna kill me way before then."

"Way to think positive," I whisper.

"So were you driving drunk?" Joe asks.

"No, I was driving hung over," I growl. "Slept off the drunk part."

"Where are we?" Joe asks.

"Abandoned cabin in the woods," I say.

"Visual?" Joe asks.

"One big room. No furniture. Bunch of rotted boards fell through the roof in the left corner," I say.

"No Edward?" Joe asks.

"No Edward," I say.

"Let's get out of here," Joe says and tries to stand.

I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Not going anywhere," I say.

"Cuz you're hungover?" Joe asks.

"No, can't risk you bleeding to death," I say.

"Willing to risk it," Joe says.

"I'm not and I'm your eyes," I say. "Unless you want to walk in circles until Edward finds you."

"Got a plan," Joe says.

"No! No plans," I say through grit teeth as my head pounds.

"It's a good one," Joe says.

"Your plans are never good," I growl.

"I get Edward mad, he does something stupid, we escape," Joe says.

"Edward doesn't do stupid, Joe. He's planned everything out," I say.

"Thank you, Frank," Edward says as he enters the cabin. "I wired the place for sound. And you're right, I don't do stupid. That's Joe's arena."

Joe struggles to sit up as Edward walks closer.

I roll myself so I'm between Edward and Joe.

"Frank," Edward says. "You are loyal, but stupid. I've planned for everything."

Edward takes out a needle and sticks in it my arm.

"You won't be able to move in five minutes," Edward says as he steps over me.

"Joe, you know how you lost all those papers this year and messed up all those reports?" Edward asks.

Joe remains quiet.

"That was me," Edward says. "After hours I stuffed the wrong papers in files, adjusted your reports, and shredded stuff. Your dad complimented me on staying late and finishing my work."

Edward kneels down so he's eye level with us sitting up.

"Do you know why Frank, your Dad and Sam never caught on?" Edward whispers inches from Joe's face.

"You're reckless. They're used to covering for you," Edward says. "You're the youngest son of the boss. He can never fire you."

"I'll kill you," I say.

"Frank, you can barely sit up," Edward says. "Besides you're as guilty as I am. You know Joe better than anybody. You believed the worst about him. Why wouldn't everybody else?"

"Joe was going to die in an unfortunate accident," Edward says. "I'd be your new partner Frank."

"Never," I growl.

"Temper, Frank," Edward says. He pulls Joe to a standing position by his hair.

"Remember when you upset me, Joe ends up paying," Edward says.

He punches Joe in the stomach.

I try to get up, but my legs won't move.

Joe lands on the floor inches from me.

"I'm going to kill your brother," Edward says. "While you watch. I'll kill him inch by inch. With as much pain as possible."

Blood from Joe's stomach wound pools on the wooden floor. Joe looks half unconscious.

Joe whispers something. I struggle to hear.

"God, s'okay if I die," Joe whispers. "But save Frank."

Edward hauls Joe up by his hair again.

He throws Joe against a wall.

Joe catches himself and leans against the wall. A light surrounds Joe. A glow.

Edward walks toward Joe.

Joe punches Edward in the stomach. When Edward doubles over, Joe punches Edward in the face. Edward's head hits the wall. He slides unconscious to the floor.

_How does Joe know where to throw his punches? How does he have the strength to stand when the floor is covered with his blood? _

"Frank!" Joe shouts. "Where's Edward?"

"Unconscious," I say when I find my voice.

"Anything I can tie him up with?" Joe asks.

"No," I say. "Check his pocket for his cell phone."

Joe falls to the floor. His fingers travel down Edward's coat until he finds Edward's coat pocket. Joe pulls out Edward's cell phone.

"Is this it?" Joe asks.

"Yes," I say. "Follow my voice."

Joe drags himself across the floor leaving a blood trail. _I will have nightmares about this. _

"Here," I whisper.

Joe collapses in a heap by me.

"Give me the cell phone and we're home free," I say.

Joe pushes the phone over to me.

I concentrate hard and move my right index finger. I grit my teeth and slowly hit 911.

"Kidnapped. Trapped. Abandoned cabin in the woods off Park Road."

Ed's cell phone dies as I get out the last sentence.

"Think they'll find us?" Joe asks.

"Yes," I say and pray I'm right. "Hey, stay awake. No sleeping on the job."

Scared if Joe loses consciousness, he'll die from blood loss. My arms won't work to fix a bandage.

"Good last case," Joe whispers. "Ed even cleared my rep at the office."

"Not our last case," I say. "This isn't the end."

"Can't work blind," Joe says.

"We'll figure something out," I say.

"Glad you were my partner," Joe says. "Wouldn't change a thing."

Joe passes out in a puddle of blood.

I hear sirens in the distance.

Edward shakes his head, gets up and walks toward us.


	14. Fighting

Chapter 14

"I'll kill you!" Edward says.

The cabin door smashes open.

Dad tackles Edward. Dad's first punch breaks Edward's nose. I lose count of the punches Dad lands on Edward's body. Con, Sam and four other policemen struggle to pull Dad off Edward. When they do, Edward curls up into the fetal position.

"Thought he killed both of you," Dad says as he touches my shoulder and Joe's forehead.

"Con, can you give me a ride to the hospital?" Sam asks.

Sam puts his hands on Joe's chest and applies pressure to slow the bleeding.

"Yeah, let's take the whole crew," Con says.

He puts his arm around Dad's shoulder and leads him to the police car.

_I almost think Con's afraid to leave Dad here without close supervision. _

Dad sits in the back with Sam and Joe. Con carries me to the police car and sits me up front. He buckles me in and runs around to the driver's seat.

"Sam, how's Joe?" Con asks.

"Radio ahead to the hospital," Sam says.

"Dispatch I need you to patch me through to Bayport General," Con says into the radio as he turns on the siren and lights.

"Go ahead, Car 54, I have Bayport General on the line," Dispatch says.

"I'm bringing in Joe Hardy. He's lost a lot of blood. Request a surgical team meet us at the ER," Con says.

"Roger," Dispatch says.

"Fenton, can I borrow your jacket?" Sam asks.

In the rearview mirror, I watch Sam take off Dad's jacket. Sam presses it against Joe's wound.

"CON, WE NEED TO BE AT BAYPORT GENERAL FIVE MINUTES AGO!" Sam shouts.

"Dispatch this is Car 54 - requesting all available police cars block the main intersections on the way to Bayport General," Con says.

Pedestrians scatter as Con drives down the sidewalk to avoid a traffic jam.

"CON!" Sam shouts. "I'M LOSING HIM!"

"DOING MY BEST!" Con shouts, as he runs a red light and passes three cars on the wrong side of the road.

"Hang on, Joe," Sam says. "Don't give up on me now."

Two police cars with lights flashing block the intersection. We speed through the intersection. Con's speedometer hovers around 100 mph.

_God, please help Joe._

Two police cars get ahead of us with their lights and sirens going.

_Reminds me of a funeral procession in fast forward_. _Joe said this was his last case. Did he know he was dying? _

"Bayport General our ETA is 1 minute," Con says into his radio.

We pull into the hospital parking lot. A group of people in blue scrubs load Joe on a stretcher.

Sam gets me out of car. Con helps Dad into the hospital.

"Come on Frank, let's get you checked out," Sam says as he carries me into the hospital.

"OK, Frank get me up to speed," Sam says as I'm wheeled down the hall on a stretcher. "What happened after you got kidnapped?"

"Drugged," I say. "Me. Not Joe. Dad?"

"He's in shock," Sam says. "Don't worry. I've got your back."

I close my eyes.

"Frank?" Sam asks. "What's wrong?"

"Ed," I whisper.

"Trust me," Sam says and puts a hand on my shoulder. "He won't cause you any more trouble."

"Hurt Joe," I whisper.

"Joe's tough," Sam says, but I see Joe's blood covering Sam's shirt.

"Office mistakes," I force out, too tired to speak. "Ed framed Joe."

"You're sure?" Sam asks.

"Ed bragged," I whisper.

Sam closes his eyes for a minute. When he opens them, Sam squeezes my shoulder.

"Don't worry. We'll figure it out," Sam says. "First, we get everybody patched up."

"Didn't have Joe's back," I whisper.

"We've got it now," Sam says.

"Too late," I say.

"Joe's fighting," Sam says. "So we fight too. Trust me, Joe won't let Edward win."

I pray Sam's right, but I'm terrified. What if I just saw Joe alive for the last time?


	15. Reconciliiation

Chapter 15

Joe is in surgery. Dad is in shock. Sam waits with me in the ER.

Whatever drug Edward gave me is still working. I'm paralyzed – temporarily, I hope.

"What happened?" a tired man in blue scrubs asks.

"He's been drugged. We need a blood screen stat," Sam says. "We'll be using the test results in court."

"Got it," the doctor says.

A nurse draws some blood out of my arm and rushes it away.

"Frank, let me tell Fenton about the office stuff," Sam says.

I nod and close my eyes. When I open them, I'm in a private room. Dad sits by my bed. He's got a five o'clock shadow and dark circles under his eyes.

"Good to have you back, Frank," Dad says.

"Joe?" I whisper.

"Still in surgery," Dad says and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Sam is waiting for news."

_Why can't I be more like Dad? He never makes mistakes. _

"Frank?" Dad asks. "What's wrong?"

"I messed up," I say.

"Me too," Dad says. "If I hadn't let Edward work with us none of this would have happened."

"Sam told you?" I ask.

"Yes," Dad says with a grimace. "Edward sabotaged Joe's work – right under my nose."

"He bragged about it," I say and close my eyes. "Edward destroyed Joe… and I let it happen."

"No, Frank," Dad says. "You and Joe work for me. I should have caught this. I thought Joe's work was off because he was upset about Iola. I was wrong."

"But I got on Joe's case about all the mistakes," I whisper.

"Frank, at least you had the courage to talk to Joe about it," Dad says. "A real boss would have gotten to the bottom of this months ago. But I was scared Joe would leave."

"Leave?" I ask.

"I've lived with that fear every day since Iola died," Dad says.

Dad gets up and looks out the window.

"I let Joe down," Dad says as he looks out the window.

"No, you didn't," I say.

"Frank, I wasn't around the year after Iola died," Dad says.

"You were working," I say.

"No, I ran away," Dad says. "I was scared Joe blamed me for Iola's death. When Joe needed me most, I abandoned him."

_I'm too shocked to speak. _

"You've been Joe's brother and stand-in Dad ever since. You still are," Dad says. "When I came back, Joe didn't need me. He sensed I wasn't comfortable around him."

_This isn't the dad I know. The man who can handle anything. _

"I don't understand," I whisper.

"I put you in a rough spot, but you handled it," Dad says. "Frank, I'm sorry."

"This year…when I shut Joe out…did he…." I trail off, not knowing what to say.

"No Frank, Joe didn't let me in," Dad says.

_I need time to digest this…so I change the subject. _

"You're still the best detective I know," I say. "You've always had Sam's back."

"No," Dad whispers. "After Iola died, Sam knew I was too distracted to work. But I used work to run from Iola's death."

"But you worked through it," I say.

"No. One night during a stakeout my mind wandered. I kept imagining my car exploding…Joe running to it…Iola dying. When I was distracted, Sam got shot."

"Sam got shot?" I ask.

"Yes. He spent two weeks in the hospital. I didn't leave his side," Dad says. "Thank God he lived."

"But you're still partners," I say.

"Sam's wouldn't let me quit," Dad says. "He said he wouldn't work with anyone else."

_I look at Dad and see a man I didn't know existed. A man as flawed and imperfect as me. _

"Frank, I'm glad you helped Joe deal with Iola's death. You handled it so well, I wondered where I fit in," Dad says. "Guess I have ever since."

"Dad, I never meant to …" I say.

"I know," Dad says and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Frank, you did good. You did what needed to be done…what I wish I'd been able to do."

"But I shut you out," I say.

"No," Dad says. "When I ran away, I shut myself out. Joe hasn't let me in since. I don't blame him."


	16. Treating the Wounds

Chapter 16

"Joe's out of surgery," Sam says.

"Thank God," Dad says.

"Fenton, you can see him in ICU," Sam says. "His surgeon says we'll know if Joe will survive in the next 72 hours."

Dad staggers out of the room, while Sam sits in the uncomfortable chair by my hospital bed.

I close my eyes.

_How could I let Joe down so badly? Why didn't I see what Edward was doing? _

_I have a terrible thought. After Iola died, Dad abandoned Joe. After Callie left me, I shut Joe out. Does Joe think he failed me somehow? That I was punishing him? _

Two long days later, I'm allowed to see Joe.

Sam pushes a wheelchair to my bed.

I climb in unsteadily. Sam pushes me down the hall.

"We've got the drug results. You'll be back to normal soon," Sam says.

_If Joe doesn't pull through, I'll never be normal again. _

"Joe lost a lot of blood," Dad says. "He has a fever of 101. His wound got infected. I called Laura and Gert. They are flying back to Bayport."

Joe is hooked up to an IV, under a cooling blanket and has an oxygen tube up his nose.

_I did this to Joe. _

_What do you say to someone who saved your life? Especially if you spent the past year hurting them?_

"I'll be outside," Dad says.

The whoosh of the ventilator taunts me.

"Sorry doesn't begin to cover it," I say and push Joe's hair off his bruised face.

"Funny, I tell you not to give in to your emotions. I spent the last year acting like a robot. Wish I'd let my emotions out – like you do. Guess I wish I was more like you."

I put my hand on Joe's shoulder.

"I was a jerk. But you already know."

"Been reading your Bible," I say. "Found this passage that reminded me of you. 'I will forgive all the wrongs you have done, but you will remember them and be too ashamed to open your mouth.'" Ezekiel 16:63

"That's how I feel. Like you forgive me for everything, but I know what I did was wrong. And if you give me another chance, I won't do it again."

Joe whispers something.

"What?" I ask.

"Go away," Joe whispers. "Wanna sleep."

"No sleeping!" I shout and hit Joe's call button.

"How do you feel?" the doctor asks.

"Tired," Joe says.

"Let me examine your surgical incision," the doctor says. "Looks good. I didn't expect you to wake up for another 48 hours."

"Frank wouldn't shut up," Joe grumbles.

"Joe, do you need anything?" Dad asks.

"Eye doctor," Joe mumbles.

He is asleep before I can ask if his sight has improved.

The next morning Joe is irritable.

"Wanna go home," Joe says. "Sick of hospitals."

"You want your eyes examined, right?" I ask. "Because that happens at the hospital."

"Shut up, Frank," Joe says. "How much longer before the eye doc gets here?"

"Dad left for the airport an hour ago," I say. "He should be back with the eye doctor any time."

"Sorry, just sick of being stuck in the dark," Joe growls.

"Know how you feel," I say. "Edward tried his best to destroy you for a whole year. I was in the dark the whole time."

"Frank, I don't want to talk about it," Joe says.

_Warning bells go off in my head. Dad and Joe never talked about Iola's death. This isn't a good pattern. _

"Why?" I ask.

"Cuz I think Edward lied," Joe says.

"He lied the whole year," I say.

"No, I mean about the stuff he blamed on me," Joe says.

_I get a really bad feeling. _

"WHAT?" I ask.

"Maybe Edward made a few mistakes and blamed them on me, ok? But I made most of the mistakes," Joe says.

"No, that's not what Edward said," I say.

"Doesn't matter," Joe says and looks away from me.

_Edward won. He destroyed Joe's self-confidence while I was too self-absorbed to notice. _

"Joe, Edward wouldn't lie to make you look better. He wants to destroy you. He framed you, he admitted it. Why can't you accept that?" I ask.

"Doesn't feel true," Joe says.

"We need to talk," I say.

"No! I'm not letting Edward take up any more of my time," Joe says.

"So he brainwashed you into believing you're incompetent, but we can't discuss it?" I ask.

"Shut up, Frank!" Joe says.

Before I can answer, the door opens.

"Joe, this is Dr. Howe from the Mayo Clinic. He's an eye expert," Dad says.

"Joseph, it's good to meet you. I've reviewed your file. Can I examine your eyes?" Dr. Howe asks.

"Sure," Joe says.

"Have you recovered any vision?" Dr. Howe asks.

"No," Joe says.

"Any flashes of light?" Dr. Howe asks.

"No."

"Headaches."

"No. Look Doc, I'm an instinct kind of guy. My gut says I won't see again," Joe says. "Think it's time to move on."

"Sounds like a good plan," Dr. Howe says. "I don't see any change in your eyes."

"Can you suggest some good rehab places?" Joe asks.

"Yes. I can," Dr. Howe says.

"We don't know this is permanent," Dad says.

"Dad is right," I say.

_Joe can't be blind. This is my fault. If I accept Joe is blind, I have to find a way to live with it…not sure I can do that. _

"Guys, rehab will give me independence," Joe says. "I want this. Tired of putting my life on hold."

"I'll get a list of vision rehab places," Dr. Howe says.

He leaves as Sam enters the room.

"Fenton, we're got a problem," Sam says. "Bill Renton escaped from maximum security prison."

"Son, I know you want to go to rehab, but can you hold off until we clear this up?" Dad asks.

"What if there's always some guy you have to find? What if I never get to rehab?" Joe asks.

"Joe, I'm sorry," Dad says.

"I'm the one living in darkness, wondering who is gonna try to kill me next," Joe says. "I WANT TO BE ALONE!"

"Joe, don't shut us out," I say.

"You shut me out for a year, right Frank?" Joe says.

I swallow hard.

"You're going to have to leave," a nurse says. "Mr. Hardy, I'm giving you a sedative."

Dad, Sam, and I leave Joe's room.

"What happened in there?" Dad asks.

We sit on some hard plastic chairs in the hall.

"Edward brainwashed Joe. He doesn't believe Edward framed him. Joe thinks he made all those mistakes," I say and run a hand through my hair.

"You told Joe that wasn't true," Dad says.

"He doesn't believe me," I say.

"So you'll talk it over when he wakes up," Dad says.

"Joe won't talk about it," I say.

Dad looks at me in disbelief.

"I'm scared to push Joe," I mumble.

"Frank's right, Fenton," Sam says. "You and Joe are a lot alike. After Iola's died, you needed time. Give Joe some space to adjust."

"But Joe can't think he's responsible for those mistakes," Dad says.

"I'll see what I can track down on Edward's office sabotage," Sam says. "Maybe he left a computer trail."

I put my head in my hands.

_God, how do I fix this? _


	17. Leaving it All Behind

**This is it. Thank you so, so much for all the support. My mom is currently staying with my grandparents in Florida to helop out for awhilke, and I miss her... a lot. So thank you all so much for the reviews, the uplifting comments, everything. I've set my Mom's phone to email her every time she gets a review- it'll make her incredibly happy throughout the day if you guys could shoot her some feedback.**

**I'd like to thank you all so much for everything- and she's writing another story. :)**

**Yes. That's right. My mom- who used to be so afraid to write, used to be so afraid of criticism- is writing again. Thanks to you beautiful people. The story is another hurt/comfort, like this one- she really like to write Joe hurt. **

**It's called- When it All Goes Wrong. I hope you'll continue to follow and support her, and thanks so much for everything. You guys are amazing. :)**

* * *

When the nurses change shifts, I sneak into Joe's private hospital room. He is unconscious.

_Joe took all the hits in this case – his sight, his confidence, everything. Worst of all – I let it happen. _

_I wasn't there for Joe. Just like Dad abandoned Joe after Iola died. _

_I abandoned the person who needed me the most for an entire year. _

"Iola!" Joe screams.

_No, Joe can't have a night terror. He'll rip out his stitches. _

Dad and Sam run in the room.

"What's happening?" Dad asks.

"Night terror," I say and feel guilty for narcing on Joe.

_Dad goes pale and leaves. _

"Keep an eye on him, Sam," I say.

Sam leaves. I stay with Joe.

"Joe, I need you," I say and carefully wrap Joe in my arms.

_I feel Joe relax in my arms. _

"I need one more chance," I say. "Just one."

Joe falls asleep.

Hours later Joe stirs.

Before I can tell Joe I'm sitting by his bed, I hear Joe whisper.

"God, I'm scared," Joe whispers.

_Joe is praying. _

"God, I need one thing," Joe whispers.

_I swallow hard. Joe is going to ask for his sight back. _

"Find a partner for Frank…someone to watch his back… someone smart…someone who doesn't make mistakes…someone who can make him smile again."

Joe falls asleep. I swallow the lump in my throat.

Four days later Joe is released. Vision rehab is still on hold until Dad's latest enemy is caught.

"Ready to blow this place?" I ask.

Joe fakes a half-smile.

"Picked you up a chocolate milkshake," I say.

Joe drinks the milkshake while I push his wheelchair into the elevator.

Joe yawns as I help him into my car.

_Everyone expects us to go back to my condo, but it's not happening. _

_I ditched my cell phone. Didn't want Dad or Sam to trace us. _

Joe wakes up six hours later.

"Frank?" Joe asks.

"Right here," I say.

"What's going on?" Joe asks.

"We're leaving town," I say. "Not safe right now."

"Frank, I…" Joe says.

"No, I wasn't there for you last year," I say. "It won't happen again."

"Frank, chill. You're only human," Joe says. "I gotta tell you…"

"I'm taking you to a vision rehab center," I say. "We'll go under an assumed name. Just give me another chance, ok?"

Silence.

"Joe?" I ask.

_He's not giving me a second chance. I don't blame him._

"Dude, did you drug my milkshake?" Joe asks.

Joe's phone rings.

_Can't believe I forgot to get rid of Joe's cell phone. _

"Hi Dad," Joe says. "Yeah, Frank's here. Don't know if we can make dinner. Hold on."

Joe covers his phone.

"Frank, where are we?" Joe asks.

"Vermont," I say.

"Uh…don't hold supper," Joe says. "We're gonna be late. Yeah, everything's good. Bye."

He hangs up.

"Look, I get it. You don't trust me," I say. "I understand. I deserve it."

Silence.

_Joe has every right to be mad. I cost him his sight, his career, his life. _

"So you hate me?" I ask.

"Frank, shut up! I need a minute. I've been drugged, kidnapped and I'm in Vermont," Joe says. "I'm writing this off as male menopause. Can you pull over? We need to talk."

I pull onto the shoulder of the road.

"I'm not mad," Joe says. "You leaving everything to keep me safe means a lot."

"It's not enough," I say.

"This was a good thing," Joe says.

"Which part?" I ask. "Your blindness, Edward or me being a jerk for the past year?"

"I know how Iola would feel if she was still here. She would want me to live…to be happy," Joe says. "Just like I want you to be."

"You still trust me?" I ask.

"Always," Joe says. "Want me to drive?"

"Funny," I say.

"Frank, I can see," Joe says. "Happened when I woke up twenty minutes ago."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" I ask.

"You wouldn't shut up," Joe says.

I've got Joe back. Sort of. We're not back to where we were before Edward. Not even close. But we will be.

* * *

**Sort of like our family. Things aren't bad- Mom may be able to come home soon. Things are alright- my Dad can take care of my brother and I, but I never realized how huge a part my mom played in my life until she had to go. We're not US without Mom. We're not complete yet. But we will be. :)**


End file.
